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Dear Livejournal world, I am extremely excited and I am so glad it is Thursday. Tomorrow is no school, and at seven o'clock in the evening I will be going to go see Lesmistrata at Merrimack College, which just so happens to be the play we are performing for drama festival. I believe this is going to help me a ton with my character, though I am not sure who I am yet. I know I am going to get a good part, which is slightly excited slash nerve-racking. After the play, Nate will be picking me up and I will spend the night at his house, and Saturday as well. or something. This is going to be the first Saturday I've had off in over a month, and I am extremely excited. That is pretty much everything I had to say for now. |
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I got my computer night and I also started driving school. I wish I had started it earlier but there is not much I can do about it now. It's nine fifty and i have english homework that needs to be done, but i'd rather just leave it alone. I do not have anything else I really want to talk about other than this weekend was amazing. It contained of sex, pot, dancing, south of no where and degrassi. and it was incredible. |
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So, today my mom went into the rehabilitation center, not whenever I posted my last entry was. It is so sad knowing my mom is really fucked up on shit she cannot take herself out of. She has been drinking immensely and doing cocain, and I am not suppose to know. I am so scared to ever do things that she does because I do not want to be a mother like her when I have kids. If I have kids. I will more or less have kids. I am extremely tired, I just got home from work and this past week has crawled by. That really sucks. Tomorrow I have to be at my school by 7:45 in the morning for my PSATs. I do not like that I have to be at my school so early in the morning on a Saturday. Later tomorrow afternoon I am going to Christina's baby shower. I haven't seen her since eight grade, and seening her pregnant is going to be absolutely absurd. I will stay at the baby shower until three thirty, quarter to four, then come back to my house and then go to Nate's. I haven't seen Nate for a week exactly now, and I miss him so much. Yesterday, when I went to get Christina's babyshower gift, I ended up spending 60 dollars. That really sucks, but sincere. I think it is possible I am going to get into a lot of trouble this weekend, and I am not sure I have any way of fixing it. See, right now, I am on my sisters computer because my computer has a virus on it. My computer also has pictures of me smoking pot and pictures of friends and I with alcohol. My dads friend is going to fix my computer and if she see's this, she will probably say something to my dad. My dad knows about these pictures, and we've talked about them, but I am going to get this lecture on how It Makes Him Look Like An Irresponsible Parent. He is not an irresponsible parent, I am a teenager trying different things because that is what teenagers do. I really hope she does not see the pictures and says anything because then my dad will get really angry. And then I will become very angry because he already knows about the pictures and I've already gotten into trouble for them, so I will be getting into trouble for something I've already gotten into trouble for. That really, really stinks. I want to see Nate. I want my mom to be okay and stop doing the things she's doing. I do not want to get up at 7 and be out of my house by 7 thirty. I want to watch Degrassi and go to bed. I am so mixed. I am not going to reread any of this, so I am sorry if something does not make sense.
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Today my mom says she is putting herself into a rehab clinic for her problems with drugs and alcohol, but I do not know how long she will able to last. This entire situation makes me very, very sad. |
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I decided I would delete my old entry and make my first one worth reading, though it might not entirely be worth reading. First, I am glad I figured this out, because I know more people with LiveJournals instead of GreatestJournals, therefore, I think more people will read my thoughts and what have to say. I still am not completely satisfied with everything yet, but I think it will have to work for now. Right now I am extremely tired and my back is really itchy, but I can't itch it because it is right under my bra strap and the strap is in the way. Today I went to work, and ate a lot, and I regret it horribly. I am working for the next week straight until monday, and then i am going to work for another week straight. and by "i am working for the next week" i mean i am working after school from three thirty until six. except for the weekends, then i will work ten to six. It really isn't that bad. I like where I work, other than I have no stamina or self control. I am going to get fat and dwell. Nate said he would still love me even if I was fat, but I do not want to get any bigger because my boyfriend is already skinnier than I am now, and that makes me sad. Yesterday I also gave myself a haircut. It looks really cute and i like it a lot. I believe I actually did a good job for once. Other than that, I don't think anything new has happened in my life really. My life as of right now, is really boring and is going no where. I feel like I should be really trying this year, for college applications, especially sinse I go to a stupid technical school, which I really hope does not have any effect on my college choices. I hate that I have to start to worry about stuff like this, mainly because it is pressured on us at school and at my home. I do not know what I want to do after high school, and I am not sure I will ever know. I want to do something I enjoy. I enjoy acting. I would love to act. I do not think I am a particularly good actress, but Bob says I have potential, which is always a plus i suppose. I am not an excellent reader when it comes to reading out loud, and I get embarrest easily, which are two things that are important in theatre. I wish I could do things I can't, and I know i will never be able to, not because i just say 'i can't', but because i simply cannot do certain things. i hate it, i hate it a lot. I hate that I am not a good writer, and i hate that i don't do a good job expressing myself, and i hate that i can't do simple things like that. mostly because i love writing, i love reading, i love expressing myself, and i do a bad job. I am sorry this was not all that interesting for a first entry, and I can't promise they will grow to get better. but i am going to go and read.
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